Sunday, October 19, 2008

Guest Blogger: Jackie Kessler

Jackie says: And the winner is -- Shari C! :) Please email me at J A X aht J A C K I E K E S S L E R daht C O M, and I'll send you a signed copy of HB, plus some spiffy B&W swag.

Of Devils and Details

Let’s say you’re an enterprising sort who’s decided the best way to get ahead of the game is to sell your soul to the Devil. Terrific short-term prospects; unlimited fringe benefits over the course of your life (however limited that lifespan may end up being). Whether you’re a lawyer or an author or a politician, this could be your winning ticket. All it takes is a dollar and a dream, right? Or a contract and a pen?

But they don’t tell you HOW you’re supposed to actually get that ball rolling. Seriously. Do you look up “Devil, The” in the phonebook? Maybe go to Call 1-666-OH-SATAN? You’d think it would be more straightforward for those who wanted to sign away their souls, wouldn’t you?

And assuming you can rustle up Old Nick or a demon to do the Big Bartering, what are you supposed to use when you sign your soul away? Virgin blood? Is that an air-quotes “virgin”? Or is symbolism enough and a splash of extra virgin olive oil on the contract will do? Or is that only for people who love Italian food? Do you know how tough it is to find virgins these days?

When you sign the contract, do you have to provide your Social Security number and two forms of picture identification? Like you’re going to lie, when you’re bargaining with Satan? If the Devil is as omniscient as the Almighty, then shouldn’t the Devil know if you’re committing contract fraud? For that matter, if you commit contract fraud when you’re signing your soul away, is that an automatic ticket to Heaven?

And is there a soul-back guarantee?

If you sell your soul, do you become an actual demon when you die, or merely one of the damned? Being a demon sounds like it has perks; being damned, not so much. Is that covered in the fine print? For that matter, what does Hell do with your soul? Wallpaper the bathroom? Eat it? Recycle?

What are some nitpicky questions you’d have if someone (not necessarily you) decided to sell their soul? Leave your answers in the comments . . . and on Halloween, I’ll pick one commenter at random to win a signed copy of HELL’S BELLES, plus spiffy swag for my upcoming co-authored superhero novel, BLACK AND WHITE.


Blogger Terry Spear said...

Hmm, hi, Jackie, interesting question! I wonder if you could ever be tricked into selling your soul. Would that count?

10:00 AM  
Blogger Pamela K. Kinney said...

I think when you sell your soul or even do enough bad things in life that when you die you becoem a demon. There's the original Fallen Angels (which have never been a living human being) and those of us who die and go to hell to become the lesser demons.

10:01 AM  
Blogger Pamk said...

was wondering could you buy it back and i'd say you'd need a lawyer to look over the wording since the devil is tricky

10:27 AM  
Blogger Asylumgirl said...

Um, what are the benefits? Paid vacation, sick leave, insurance? LOL


11:16 AM  
Blogger Ruth Schaller said...

My questions would be:

1) If I sell you my soul, am I going to be the same person or am I going to change?

2) You want my soul, what are you going to give me?

3) Do I get visitation with my soul or am I giving up all rights?

LOL This was fun!

11:30 AM  
Blogger Patricia Altner said...

I want to know if this will make me beautiful, and smart, and quick with a repartee, and rich, and anything else I might decide I want. If not, forget it! I'll just keep my soul, thank you very much!

12:09 PM  
Blogger Rachel Green said...

Does it have to be my blood on the contract or can i use someone else's ?

1:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Would it do any good to have a lawyer look over the contract, since the Devil has all the lawyers in his pocket?

(I'm going to have to go apologize to my lawyer friends now, who will just roll their eyes...again...)

1:49 PM  
Blogger Vickie said...

~Can I have a personal trainer named Sven or can I get to be a hottie with the sale?
~I'd like perfect hair, please. The kind that would appear long for DH, but would really be short like I like.

7:59 PM  
Blogger Kimberly B. said...

One thing that's always bothered me is when people are able to sell other people's souls. For example, on the television show Reaper (which, by the way, I love); his parents sold his soul to the devil, so he has to retrieve the souls of the damned and send them back to Hell. Does that suggest that his parents were in ownership of his soul, and if so, when did that stop being the case?
I'm also interested in the return policy---or is it exchange only? Would I get my own soul back, or another soul of equal value? Does Hell have store credit?

8:04 PM  
Blogger Lynda Hilburn said...

Welcome to Paranormality, Jackie! What a thought-provoking post! A client explained to me recently that the Devil doesn't ask people to sign away their souls -- he/she/it merely snatches them. Sounds like a raw deal to me.
Hugs, Lynda

8:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If I am not happy with your service do I have any recourse?

If I get some friends to sell their souls too do I get a discount on mine( like you only take half my soul)?

8:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Can I see the warranty on the exchange? and Do you take 90 days same as soul?

11:50 PM  
Blogger Raonaid Luckwell said...

If this is so final, do we need to have a witness noterize/signature it?

12:05 AM  
Blogger Dina said...

Can I sign my contract with an X or as annon?

6:43 AM  
Blogger Shari C said...

Can I have a trial period to see if I like the idea or not and if I need to change or add benefits or clauses to protect myself as best I can.

6:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

do i have to say my soul belongs to you if asked

can i have this AND johnny depp for my soul?

can i give you my ex bf soul in place of mine? he wasnt using his anyways

1:09 PM  
Blogger Cathy said...

Are my future children safe? Any fine print that automatically includes the souls of my kids?

12:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How do you know when they're going to come to collect? If it's not in the fine print, who's to say they won't let you get used to your special powers for a day or two and then wham.

7:42 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Can I take it with me??


8:54 AM  
Blogger Juliet said...

Umm, if I change my mind is there any way to break the contract?

8:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Say I switch sides, are their penalties for breaking the contract?
Will interest be charged and if so what is the percentage rate?
What's this clause in the tiny print here, the one that says limited lifetime warranty? Who's lifetime?
If I want out and my lawyer finds loopholes will we have to take this to court, if so who will be presiding, or is settling out of court an option? Would I have a snowball's chance in hell of winning or is it a colossal, as well as expensive, waste of time?
What if Satan somehow finds me lacking, would I still have to pay up or would the contract be null and void?

9:56 AM  
Blogger StyleVamp said...

If I'm considering a contract like this..can I negotiate?
Is the subtext in the contract clear or would they have a double meaning? How binding is this contract?
If I don't sign what happens?

11:14 AM  
Blogger Jackie said...

And the winner is...Shari C! :)

Please email me at J A X aht J A C K I E K E S S L E R daht C O M, and I'll send you a signed copy of HB, plus some spiffy B&W swag.

8:32 PM  
Blogger 日月神教-任我行 said...


1:04 AM  

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