Monday, September 05, 2011

Vampire Monday: PJ Jones

Why Vampires Are (and always will be) Popular

Chances are, if you are like me, and you must be because you are reading this blog, then you love vampires and everything paranormal. And what’s not to love about the demonic, immortal, blood-sucking pillagers of the human race? No, wait, that doesn’t sound right. How about—What’s not to love about sexy, otherworldly, kickass immortals, who look really hot in leather and like a little bite with their foreplay?

After all, blood is the new chocolate.

But seriously, even though I like to parody vampire romances, I’m also a hopeless vampire romance junkie. And as a hopeless junkie, I’ve come up with a five reasons why vampires will always, forever, eternally, be popular.

1. LEATHER PANTS. Let’s face it, no one can pull off sexy like the vampire race. It’s in their blood, or maybe our blood, since, technically, they feed from our arteries for survival. Well, whatever they do to our blood once they drain it out of our lifeless bodies, somehow works, ‘cause nobody fills leather pants like the vampires. I’d say it’s definitely worth a few human casualties just to get a good look at those ripped abs, corded muscles and tight rears. So suck on, vampires. Sexy is soooo worth it.

2. THEY’RE PARTY ANIMALS. Yeah, they get to stay up way past my bedtime. I need my beauty rest. Lights out at eleven pm here, otherwise, I wake up acting much like a succubus or demon and no amount of coffee can cure me. But vampires, they can party all night long, much like I did in my sorority days, except they don’t need fake IDs to have a good time. And while you’re downing Bloody Marys at the nightclub and dry humping a much younger version of me on the dance floor, I’ll be dreaming of your tight rear in leather pants.

3. FEEDING IS SIMPLIFIED. You never hear vampires complaining about the cholesterol in their O negative. There’s no Jenny Craig for vampires or super colon blow laxative diet drinks promising immortals they’ll drop ten pounds in two days. That’s because they’re not shoveling bon bons into their fanged faces when they get a case of the late night munchies. Nope, their diet is pretty consistent. Blood, blood and more blood. And how liberating it must be not having to plan meals for the family. Just bring an unsuspecting mortal home to your little fanged children. “Mommy brought home some takeout, kids!” No arguing over pizza toppings. No complaining that the food’s cold, and when the kids start whining, all you need to say is, “Shut up and drink your blood.”

4. COOL POWERS! The vampires in my books have the unnatural ability to boogie and they are great defenders of the environment, but some of the vampires in real romances (not parodies) actually have cool powers. Take for example, Caris Roane’s vampires, who have the power to freaking fly. Have you seen their wings? Check out the cover, then I guarantee you will want to buy the book. And where do they fly, you might ask? Only to ultra-posh, higher immortal dimensions. When they crave double lattes with extra whip, they just fly on back down to earth. Latte drinking vampires! Now that’s my kind of immortal. Shea MacLeod’s Sunwalkers don’t sparkle or combust when they step into the light. Not only does Sunwalker Jack, a descendant of the Atlantean race and former Templar Knight, look hot in stonewashed denim, he fills out the jeans, too, mostly beneath the zipper, if you know what I mean. Which brings me to my favorite reason vampires will forever be popular.

5. VAMPIRES ARE AWESOME IN BED! Having never slept with one, I can’t tell you for sure, but from what I’ve read, there’s a whole lot o’ pleasurin’ goin’ on in vampire books. Of course, since they’ve got this unnatural ability to run faster than a jackrabbit on speed and lift cars over their heads, one would expect them to also be decent in the sack. You never hear a vampire groaning that he has to switch positions because his bad knee is giving him a fit. And their partners aren’t griping, “Make this quick. I’ve got a chicken in the oven.” Nope. When a vampire is ready for some lovin’, it’s all about the lovin’. No spicy fish tacos get in the way of their romantic pleasure, which seems to go on, and on, and on… Vampires get all the fun!

PJ Jones is the author of the historical, contemporary, western, shape-shifter, mystery, suspense, vampire parody, ROMANCE NOVEL and THE VAMPIRE HANDBOOK, useful rules and regulations for adapting to the immortal lifestyle. PJ’s sparkly, mysterious den of pleasure and mayhem can be found @ .


PJ Jones, author of ROMANCE NOVEL
Laugh until you spew coffee!


PJ will give away a copy of the book to one commenter here. Stop back by to see if you won!


Blogger PJ Jones said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

8:40 AM  
Blogger PJ Jones said...

This is what I get for posting after a nap. Had to delete the previous post due to spelling errors. Sheesh!

Hey, Lynda! Thanks so much for letting me tarnish your blog today. I'd love to give away one copy of either Romance Novel or The Vampire Handbook to a blog guest today. And, Lynda, I'll be sending you copies of both as well. PJ

8:44 AM  
Blogger Julia Crane said...

Love this post! PJ Jones I have your book on my TBR list.

8:51 AM  
Blogger Lynda Hilburn said...

Welcome to the blog, PJ! Glad to have you. Love your post!

9:01 AM  
Blogger PJ Jones said...

Thanks, Julia. I sure hope you enjoy it. Lynda, I have to say that I'm in love with your cover art. LOVE!

9:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, SQUEE! You mentioned me. :-) Love, love, LOVE the post, PJ. Made me giggle.

You are SO right about the leather pants ...

11:53 AM  
Blogger PJ Jones said...

Hey, Shea! Crud. Where's that dohicky for your 'e'? Thanks for stopping by when I know many of you are busy eating barbeque today.

3:54 PM  
Blogger Anya Millar said...

I just LOVE your list! Funny and sassy. :) And even non funny vamps can be environmentally thoughtful, lol... though often because they just aren't into the nasty things of our century ;)

And really, leather pants, sex, and fangs. . . does life/non-lfe get any better :D


4:39 PM  
Blogger Bella Street said...

Oh, pick me. This book sounds hilarious, and I know PJ delivers on funny!

7:19 PM  
Blogger PJ Jones said...

Anya, no, life does not get better than the leather pants or the bulge beneath. LOL!

7:24 PM  
Blogger PJ Jones said...

Hi, Bella, thanks so much for the compliment and thanks for stopping by.

7:25 PM  
Blogger PJ Jones said...

I'll give anyone who comments on here tonight a free download. I can't pick just one. All I ask is that you leave your email addy, so it's easy to find you. I need to go spend some family time, so I'll check back in the morning. Thanks, everyone!!! PJ

7:32 PM  
Blogger Theblues said...

I am a Chelsea FC fans,, I just wanna share my blog for us...

Be friendship all the time.... I hope you want to follow my blog too...
thank you.

11:57 AM  
Anonymous Bets Davies said...

PJ--fabulous fun and sign me up for your book, though that is not how my vamps hang.

Dracula is my handbook on vamps, actually, with a few modifications. I'm a wee bit of a traditionalist. Vamps can be some sexy unless they already are. No leather pants! Argh! Only David Bowie looks hot in leather pants in my book. But I may be stunted.

We love our hot vamps, but the question that always strikes me, why do we find blood and death sexy? An expose on sexy vampirism could be really amusing. I'm sure you could whip one up, and make it as funny as this post.

10:03 AM  

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