Sunday, September 09, 2007

Where's the Joy?

I've probably said those words to hundreds of clients over the past 20+ years.

They come to my office, or schedule a telephone consultation, and recite a list of things that are wrong. Problems. Difficulties. Huge dramas. Often they are sure they know who to blame (sometimes it's the self).

I was in the middle of speaking those words yet again yesterday, when my voice trailed off.

I've apparently not been listening to my own advice.

After my divorce, I became a goal-obsessed hermit. I'd have to go through my piles of paperwork, but I think the divorce was 6-7 years ago. I've lost track of time. All I do is work. Now that work includes writing, since I have a deadline (which I'm very grateful for).

This is very strange for a psychotherapist to admit, but I'm really out of touch with being with people socially. I suck at small talk. I usually maneuver the situation around so that I'm doing the wise listening and head nodding, and the other person is doing all the talking. Old habits die hard. And, even though I make sure things end up that way, I get annoyed when they do. Hey. I never said I was rational.

The point of all this is that I've stopped expecting joy. Maybe even stopped believing in it.

Well, since we can't have what we don't believe, I'm in a bit of a soup.

So, I'm exploring. Within myself. Turning from the "reality" I've created to one I'd rather have. Maybe I'll even date. Well, maybe I'll think about dating. Yeah. That's better. But it's progress. So, I ask myself, "Where's the joy?"

Where's yours?


Blogger Yasmine Galenorn said...

This is a real year of transformation, Lynda, for a lot of people. A lot going on astrologically too--major shifts, especially for late-generation born boomers. Embrace the change--it's more fun to run with the tiger, than run from it. :)


3:57 PM  
Blogger Lynda Hilburn said...

Thanks, Yasmine. I think I've been hiding in a cave and the tiger hasn't found me yet. grin. It was great having you as a guest blogger!

5:27 PM  

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