I Must Be Out Of My Mind

Why would any sane (open for discussion) person want to do this to herself? Constantly offer herself to the world -- this time through the written word, as opposed to performing/singing, creating hypnotherapy CDs, starting businesses, etc -- to be inspected, critiqued, discussed and approved/denied? I always give the impression of being self-confident. In fact, I've heard my share of comments about peoples' reactions to what they perceive of as my "over-confidence." HA! It's a bluff. Nothing could be further from the truth. I'm a quivering mass of insecurities. I know I give good face, but underneath, I'm always terrified that the latest aspect of myself will be soundly rejected. (Father issues from childhood.) No one will want whatever it is. I'm not good enough. Not loveable. Not _________ enough.

Do you wonder why I became I therapist? With so much of my own shit to sift through, how could I not?

I got a rejection letter yesterday from an agent who'd requested 3 chapters/synopsis back in August. She said her readers finally got through it and she took a look, decided I'm a "competent" author, but she wasn't excited. I know that's standard verbiage these days, but it never fails to annoy. No problem. I actually appreciate when someone decides that based on the query or partial, rather than on the full. Somehow rejecting the full feels much, much worse. And I got another request from an agent for 3 chaps/synopsis.

I made sure I changed my synopsis so it reflects the true nature of my book: humorous women's fiction, with a chick lit vibe, with romance elements (more than one man), mystery elements and whatever element would cover the heroine being attacked (bitten in various places) by vampires.

One of the women in one of my crit groups said she didn't like that -- after the humorous tone of the first few chapters -- my heroine actually was attacked. She said it didn't feel right to her. She thought the heroine would be exempt from such things. Well, I'm influenced by Anita Blake and Sooky Stackhouse, who often seem to find themselves bleeding from unfriendly experiences, while still having that clever tone.

Speaking of Sooky: I read somewhere that HBO is considering a series of Charlaine Harris's Southern Vampire series. Is that cool, or what? Just an aside: I hope the word "snark" goes away soon. A well-known vampire humor writer used the words, "he snarked," several times in her latest book. ARGH! Gag me with a stake. Anyway, I have tried to sit my butt down and write something new, but can't seem to find the groove. I did finally settle on an opening for Book 2 of the Kismet Knight , Ph.D., Vampire Psychologist series. Yay!