Thursday, August 04, 2005

Pulling Myself Back Up By My Boot -- er, Sandal -- Straps

It does seem that no matter what kind of disappointment I deal with, I always come out of it. I guess I really am resilient. Slap me down and I bounce back up, like one of those plastic punching things with sand in the base they used to sell when I was young. Maybe they still sell them, I don't know. I've been thinking about the amount of disappointment I've had over the last few years. Lots. In every area of my life. But I think I've had so many kicks in the gut because I keep putting myself out there. Whether it is as a singer, or as a psychotherapist/hypnotherapist, or as the maker of guided hypnotherapy CDs (which one Guided Imagery guru said were "too dramatic," so she wouldn't list them on her website -- that one hurt because my CDs are very good! And, yes, they are created to bypass the mental body and go directly to the emotional body. I won't express an opinion about hers. Let's just say I don't recommend them.), or as a writer. Lots of "no thanks." It's hard to keep on going. To keep on believing in yourself. But I must believe in myself or I wouldn't keep on trying. I'm like the energizer bunny in my own way. So, I took all the very different opinions about my book and I reminded myself that -- no matter who offered the opinions -- they are still just opinions. I have been reading through my manuscript and asking people to read it for me and be brutally honest. I still like it. I still think it's good. Some of it is better than good. Someone told me it reminded her of Anne Rice. She didn't mean that as a compliment. Too wordy. I like wordy: If the wordi-ness is about characters rather than descriptions of things (I really like Dean Koontz, but he can get caught up in describing things), or action sequences, etc. Well, there are lots and lots of books that are popular that I don't like at all. I see the author winning this and that, and I'm blown away. Obviously, I DON'T have my finger on the pulse of popular culture. But I have to believe there is room for my book. Some perceptive editor who can see all the diamonds in my work. I joined an in-person crit group near where I live and it's interesting to hear the perspectives of writers who write very different things than I write. And I'm learning to let the feedback flow without my having to have reactions to their opinions. It's making me stronger in my own knowing about my writing. All it takes is one person who believes in me and something wonderful can happen.


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